Walking Away
by koide9
Summary: This is a short story about Luke and Noah. It's my first one, so I hope you like it. Reviews are greatly appreciated!


**Disclaimer**: I do not own nor did I create any of the characters used in this story.

_I can't believe this is happening again_, Luke thought to himself as he sat out on the Snyder's veranda.

It had been another long day, what with Ameera leaving for Los Angeles and Noah going off on his I'm-jealous-but-I-need-to-be-alone rampage. It was tiring to say the least.

"Is everything alright, Luke? We've called you at least twice already to wash up for dinner," Holden, Luke's father, asked.

"You know, dad, no, nothing's alright. I'm so tired of having to deal with everyone's crap. Sorry for the language, but I for once in my life I'd like for someone to put me first… to think about what I want… about what I need"

"Let me guess… Noah? Son, you know he just lost his father. He's going to need some time to work through this."

"You don't understand, do you? When a person in a loving relationship goes through a hard time, he's supposed to be able to communicate that… I can't get Noah to open up, unless it's on his own terms, and I don't know if that's enough for me anymore. I just; I need to rethink some things and it hurts… you know… to be in this position. I feel like he doesn't need me; like he's trying to push me away. I want him to need me. And I know that sounds childish, but that's how I feel."

"Luke, I don't think that sounds childish at all, but maybe you need to explain that to him. This is his first serious relationship, and it's with a guy which makes it even more confusing. He just might need some guidance. He probably had no idea what effect he's having on you."

"Oh, he knows, or at least he should."

"Well, come on in and let's eat. That'll give you sometime to put your thoughts in order."

"Dad, I don't mean to be rude, but I really don't feel hungry. Could I just go to my room for a while?"

"Yeah, but at least grab an apple or something on your way up."

And with that Luke went up to his room. As he lay there on his bed staring at the ceiling, he thought to himself, _should I call Noah? Should I tell him how I feel? Maybe I should try to meet up with him for coffee or something, so we can talk in person._

Luke didn't know what to do. This had happened before. Every time he thought he had found a stable relationship, something took it away from him. And he'd really felt that this time, with Noah, everything was going to be different. They had been through so much together. But, as Luke thought about it, maybe that was why Noah was tired. With the fake marriage, his father's death, coming out, loving someone, helping a loved one recover, finding out who he was… he'd suffered years of stress and pain all at one time.

"Oh my gosh, I haven't even been thinking about how he feels. I'm doing the exact thing I accuse him of..."

And once again, Luke found himself putting the needs of others before his own.

--

Luke had finally built up the courage to confront Noah, and had decided to wait for him outside of class.

_Okay, I'm going to put everything out there. I'll be nice about it, but these things need to be said. I can't hold it in any longer_.

"Luke? What are you doing here? How long have you-,"

"Listen, Noah, I need to talk to you. I need you to listen and try to understand, and I need this to be an honest conversation. Can you do those things for me?"

"Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go to talk?"

Luke noticed that his heart had started to beat a little bit faster, but he knew that he couldn't back out now. If he couldn't stand up for himself here, in this moment, when would he ever be able to?

"Noah, I know you're going through a lot. I understand that. I may not know how it all feels, but I understand on a rational level that it's a lot. What I need you to understand is that I'm going through things too, and I need to know that you'll be there to help me when I need it. I need someone whose side I can stand by, someone who isn't afraid to love me with everything they have. Anything less… anything less just won't do anymore."

Noah looked at Luke and was taken aback by his words. He had risked so much for Luke. How could Luke just stand there and act like it wasn't enough?

"How dare you stand there and tell me I'm not giving you enough! I've been through so much to be with you… I gave up my relationship with my father-"

"That was hardly a relationship, Noah."

"Don't interrupt me, Luke! Look, I know this has been hard, but I keep telling you all I want is some space. I don't know what other people mean when they say that, and I don't care. I'm not breaking up with you; I still love you as much as I always have. I just need to clear my head… not of you, but of everything else. Why can't you be there for me like you need me to be there for you? It sounds a little hypocritical to me."

"What? I try, Noah, I do! I try to be the one you can talk to, the one who is always there waiting for you, but I can't wait forever. I won't. I deserve to be happy."

And with that Luke walked away from Noah, leaving him to think about the conversation that had just taken place.

--

_Why can't he understand that I need space? Why does he always have to be so damn dramatic? I just need some space- I have to go talk to him. He's not going to ambush me like that and get away with it. If he wants to talk, well then, I'll talk too._

Noah pulled up to the Snyder Farm, and knocked on the door. Holden answered.

"Noah!" he said with a little surprise in his voice, "I didn't expect to see you

around here today. How is everything? Are you alright, son? I know you've been through a whole world of trouble."

"Yes, Mr. Snyder, I'm fine. I was wondering if Luke was here. I'd really like to speak to him, if that's okay."

"Yeah, he's out by the pond. Go ahead and walk around there. He should be alone."

"Thanks."

"Oh, and, Noah, good luck."

Noah turned and walked up the trail. He had been thinking about what he was going to say all day. He tried to recall the little speech he'd written in his head for this very moment. He saw Luke standing at the edge of the pond. He twiddled his thumbs for a couple of seconds- psyching himself up. He took a few deep breaths, and with all the courage he could muster, he started.

"Luke," his voice cracked. It definitely was not the authoritative, I-know-what-I'm- doing voice he was going for, but it caught Luke's ear and made his heart flutter.

"Um, I have some things that I want to clear up. I love you. I want… I think…," he started, but he couldn't find the words.

All of his preparation was going down the drain, and fast.

"I just… I love you. You make me happy. I'm at my best when I'm with you, and that's intimidating. You're intimidating, but I love you. I'm going through things, and you're right, you've always been there and I love you for that. I don't want you to go…ha ha, because I love you. And if I ever did anything to make you doubt that, I want you to know that after it's all said and done, I still love you."

As Luke stood there dumbfounded, Noah realized that it was his turn to walk away.

--

Luke sat at the edge of the pond for a few more minutes. Part of him wanted to run after Noah and forgive him for everything, but another part of him knew that he still needed to stick to his guns. He was conflicted. He decided that now was not the time for rash decisions; after all, he wasn't even sure he had heard correctly.

_Did Noah really just say he loved me? That's the most open he's ever been with me. He was even out here where everyone could hear him too. What if I've screwed up? I love this man so much… If he really feels that way, I can't leave him. That would be the dumbest decision of my life._

Luke stood up with new resolve in his heart. He knew that he loved Noah, and for once he felt, without a doubt, that Noah loved him. He knew what he had to do. Now, all he had to do was find the courage to do it.

Luke pulled up at the university dorms. He had forgotten his student ID card in his rush to get to Noah, so he had to wait outside of the residence hall until one of students who recognized him let him in. He went up to the third floor and found room 357- Noah's new home. He knocked.

"Yeah, who is it," Noah asked.

He wasn't expecting any company, and it was rather late. He just wanted to take a shower and go to bed, so he could be ready for the next day of classes. It had been an exhausting day.

"Noah, it's me. Please let me in," Luke's voice called to him from the other side of the door.

"Luke, now's not a good time. I'm getting ready to go to the showers."

"Hey, that's okay. It'll only take a few minutes. We really need to finish this. I just have one little thing to say and then I'll be out of your hair."

"Alright, but make it quick. I really don't have the energy for a shouting match right now."

Luke put on his best poker face, and took a deep, steadying breath. Noah walked over to the door, unlocked it, and let Luke in. He motioned to the chair at his desk for Luke to sit in.

"No need. I know how busy you are. I just wanted to say. I know that you're having a rough time. I… I know that you love me, and believe me when I say that I love you too. More than I thought possible. I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you no matter what. If you think you can't handle a relationship right now, I can deal with that. I'll wait for you, Noah, but not forever. You get yourself better, and then you come back to me- quick."

"Luke, it sounds like you're breaking up with me… I don't want that… I-"

"I know. I've thought about it, and you're not in a place where you can give me what I need, and I understand that, but I need you to see that it's not fair to ask me to wait until you get to that place. I'm giving you your space; I'm letting you breathe. Maybe it'll do the both of us some good. We both just need some time to think."

"But…"

"Have a nice night, Noah."

Luke walked back out into the hall and down the stairway. When he got outside to his car, his world crashed. It felt like he couldn't breathe; like all the oxygen had been pulled from his lungs and refused to go back in. He'd just done the most difficult thing of his life… He'd left the one he loved.

"Please bring him back to me…" Luke said to no one in particular.

Unbeknownst to him, Noah sat in his room, his tears falling silently on his pillow, thinking the same thing.


End file.
